Do you know something 

Yes I have problems too 

It is sex 

It confuses me 

No not the holes 

That is the easy part 

At the last count there were only four 

It is pissing 

A quite ordinary thing 

Rather boring if you think about it

You spend the first twenty years of your life 

Pissing down a bog or into the bushes 

At the end of a railway platform 

Or over your shoes 

It is a tedious occupation 

And then you meet a girl 

A beautiful girl perfumed and delicate 

With the added attraction of an en suite fuck 

Life is good and if you are tired after the match 

She will give you a quick hand job as she washes the teams kit 

But then it happens after months of heavy sex 

She pleads tiredness as you have fucked her dry 

And then asks you the question 

Will you piss in my mouth

WHAT 

You offer her a shit but that will not do 

It has to be piss 

Do not take this the wrong way as I like a golden shower as much as the next man 

Menstrual blood really turns me on 

That and her hairy pits sweaty after a long run 

But pissing in her mouth 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Whatever is she thinking 

Yuk 

She offers you threesome with her best friend 

Ivy 

You still refuse 

A bit of girl on girl 

You can watch with coffee provided 

Still no 

She asks you whether you are a faggot 

This confuses you as why would you be a meat product from Iceland 

You give in and piss in her mouth 

She is wearing her Burger King uniform without the pants 

It is a harrowing experience

You smile but secretly you are scarred 

And make a resolution to speak to the Pope 

When you are next in Rome