Stan why do I always find a pair of my panties under your pillow

Because I like to be close to you

You can keep a pair of my pants under your pillow if you like

It really fucks me off Stan

I am a busy girl Stan and I find it really annoying

It is a sign of love

You know how choosy I am about my underwear

I pay a great deal for my bras and panties

And you treat them as toys

Yesterday after I had showered

I was looking for some panties

As Lucy had invited us to the gallery

Yes us Stan and Jane

But you could not be bothered and fucked off to West Ham

They need all the support they can get at present

Also the show at Lucy’s gallery was a total waste of time

Lucy is my best friend

I have to put up with the neanderthals that you insist I meet

I have known Lucy since Roedean

Really I do like your friend

Like hell you are always trying to upset her

I tease her because of her politics that is all

She does not think and is led by others

That is why I shoot her down

She has cried because of you

You are cruel

There is a poet

I cannot remember his name who notes

I am only but your reflection if you do not like what you see then turn away

I totally agree with him

I am Lucy’s mirror although I would rather not be Lucy’s mirror

Do not be cruel Stan

She is rather large even you have to admit that

And now she has pronouns after her name

It is a madness

The Theatre of the Absurd

Do you still love me Stan

Yes on Tuesdays and Fridays

Then why did you make such a fuss about the gallery

Because it was a second rate artist

With little or no talent

He was chosen for other reasons

Those being

He was chosen because of where he was born and because he was a trendy queer

I should know

Know what

Why this chap is a fraud

Lucy and Dick are frauds

There are plenty of incredibly talented unknown artists out there

But they are just straightforward artists

That is not trendy

Remember Jane I studied Art History at college

You are just an opinionated shit Stan

Jane

What

Would you like me to treat you to some new panties

Anything you like

Primark maybe

OUCH

Why did you do that

Because you are a cunt Stan

Why a cunt

You get under my skin

All your pathetic mind games

I was being serious

If you are running out of panties then I will buy you some more

As long as you let me keep my favourite ones under my pillow

There is no need I have plenty of pairs thank you very much

Then why are you moaning

I am not moaning

You are

They are my property

Given

You have no right to retain them

Do you remember when we met

What about it

Do you remember I asked you send me some of your pubic hair in the post

It was a love gift

Like Byron and Caroline Lamb

I still have the envelope in my box of treasures along with my George Best autograph and another pair of your panties

The used ones

Yes

How gross

They were the first pair of panties that you gave me

You told me that they were wet with your desire

They have been in there ever since

It must smell like a canning factory in there

It does

But when I handle them I can almost hear the music of the song thrush

You are very sick Stan

Thank you

Jane I have a whizzo idea

That being

In future when you run out of panties

Either wash them more often

Thin ice Stan

Or go commando

I sometimes do

But just think what I wear

You wear nice clothes Jane

I dress you well

Thin ice

I love cotton dresses

And what you might call short skirts

I think that I have lovely legs

Unlike Lucy’s tree trunks

Stan

I agree you are rather lucky

Can you not see the disadvantages

No

Upskirting

Remember we use the tubes frequently

There are perverts who upskirt you

They film you

I thought it was illegal

It is

But the cops have fuck all else to do

I might end up on a porno website

Wow give me the address

Janescunt.com

That would be fantastic

I like not wearing anything underneath especially during the warmer months

It is so liberating

The trouble is that you forget

I was at Bernard Next to the Thames

When I noticed a chap looking up my skirt

As men do

It was then I realised that I was wearing my tartan skirt

My favourite

And that he knew that I was a natural blonde

Did he disappear to the gender neutral bogs

No you showed up

But and do not make fun of me

I am all ears

It actually turned me on

Jane whatever would God say

Seriously I felt so dirty

It is the upmost male fantasy

That and two beautiful gay girls together

Stan life is not like your French movies

Betty Blue

Betty who

And Blue is the Warmest Colour

These are my favourites

Stan I have just let you into my inner life and all you can do is take the piss

Do you think that you are telling me anything that I do not already know

So why do we argue Stan

Because I am a cunt and you are a bitch

That is why we stay together

It is a success story I think

Stan & Jane