I was in The Swing Cafe when I met a gorgeous sailor

Who lured me on to his Icelandic fishing boat

And when there showed me his large trombone

I was unimpressed and asked him to wear a cotton frock

After he had slowly changed if front of me

I threw him into the freezing sea

Which fucked off the C.O.D to say the least

And because of this the war started

C.O.D against C.O.D

Boat against Boat

Sailor against Sailor

Trombone against Trombone

On the day after the war ended

I was handed a will

Which noted that I had been left

A real trombone and real Icelandic fishing boat

I now live in Stallingborough above the Swing Cafe

And pick up nubile sailors with the promise

Of seeing and touching my large trombone

Before I throw them into the freezing sea

Off of the southern coast of I.C.E.L.A.N.D

With the explicit permission of the resident C.O.D