I was in The Swing Cafe when I met a gorgeous sailor
Who lured me on to his Icelandic fishing boat
And when there showed me his large trombone
I was unimpressed and asked him to wear a cotton frock
After he had slowly changed if front of me
I threw him into the freezing sea
Which fucked off the C.O.D to say the least
And because of this the war started
C.O.D against C.O.D
Boat against Boat
Sailor against Sailor
Trombone against Trombone
On the day after the war ended
I was handed a will
Which noted that I had been left
A real trombone and real Icelandic fishing boat
I now live in Stallingborough above the Swing Cafe
And pick up nubile sailors with the promise
Of seeing and touching my large trombone
Before I throw them into the freezing sea
Off of the southern coast of I.C.E.L.A.N.D
With the explicit permission of the resident C.O.D