Dear Jane

By the time you read this mail I will be on my way to Norwich

Let me say that I am sorry for our tiff yesterday

It was all my fault

But some things really fuck me off

And I let them rise to the surface

You are a good influence on me

I can honestly say that if a faggot or one of these cross dressing perverts is kicked to death in front of me then I will pays for its funeral (flowers and all)

Only joking the rest of this mail is serious as I have arranged a trip to Ayr for us when you are feeling less grotty

Do you remember Ayr our first holiday together

It seems so long ago

Your mum told me how much you liked Burns and the rest is history

It was a lovely holiday and I am surprised that we left our hotel room

(memo to Stan – ask Jane for my penis back)

It was the Millbank if you remember

And as a sort of anti-sorry present I have booked Room 69 which is the exact room that we stayed in last time – the dates are optinal

We will go up by train (No Calypso’s please) and just take our time

I might even have a Burns gift for you who knows

If you want to chuck this back in my face then feel welcome to do so as I can be a grade one cunt at times

But even cunts have feelings

Chat this evening

Make sure Sally is near just in case

See you on Wednesday

Love means never having to say you are sorry

That is a load of shit as sorry is the most overused word

Always on the phone so you are not alone

Stan

xxx

Ps kiss baby for me