Stan as you know I love you very much
You are everything to me
But there is a side to you that I do not like
What is that
Is it my supposed racism
Not really
My supposed homophobia
Again not really
And I say this with a baby brain you know
Do not shoot me down in flames
I understand your reasons
You are a deep thinker
I may disagree with you about certain things but I know that you are clear in your thoughts
But there is one thing
Pray tell Jane
Fairies
Fairies
You are cruel to fairies
Cruel to fairies
How can I be cruel to fairies
Yes they the irritate the crap out of me
Wearing such ridiculous fashions
They are not real men
Stan stop there
I am sorry I trust I have not upset you
Far from it
I have written fairy stories for bump
Stan a moment
This is a perfect beer garden in a perfect Gloucestershire village and with luck we will be able to live here
I am so happy
But there is one thing that I hate about you
What is that
I am all ears
It is your habit of placing lightly stained cups in the sink and filling them with hot water and fairy liquid
I dread looking in the sink
I hate it as much as you hate looking at effeminate men
It makes my skin crawl
Do you know how much Fairy Liquid costs now
No should I
It is jolly expensive
Bloody Hell I never knew that
Fuck Wittgenstein
Fuck Nietzsche
Fuck all philosophers
Now that I know that Fairy Liquid has increased in price
Two and Two will always equal four no matter what other idiots say
It is so set in stone
I know where you are going Stan
New rule
Nice Stan in Gloucestershire
Confine the other Stan to our London apartment
Do you agree
What are you doing Stan
I am writing a short poem on the napkin
It is okay not to be okay
But it is better to be okay
As okay is better
Than not okay
Stan you can be such a cunt but you are a caring cunt
I am a shrew
You are not a shrew
Baby brain I am sorry
Stop there Jane
We should never apologise to each other
Rule One
What is Rule Two
To buy a different type of washing up liquid
A cheaper brand
It will be Fairy Stan
And you can fill up the whole fucking bowl with the stuff
Your cups will be cleaner than a nuns thoughts
And who knows you might find that you will grow to tolerate fairies
There is no chance of that
God is not pleased
Your round Stan
Only a soft drink Jane as I do not want the bump getting pissed
We might have to hurry Stan
Why
Because we are within a hour of our train
Not a problem
Why
Because I have just booked The Rose
We will travel back tomorrow
Before we go I will buy you some Fairy Liquid
Two bottles
All for you
You will able to soak your cups
While you watch the trains