A few days ago I awoke one morning
With a strong feeling
That I wanted to be grounded in existence
Or the experience of existence
So I rang my best friend Ruth
And suggested that we might masturbate together
We had done this before facing each other
Naked in the box room which doubled as my study
I had always considered that I had a pretty cunt
Whereas Ruth’s reminded me of chopped liver
This said she had splendid breasts that put mine to shame
The problem was that as we reached the halfway point of our journey
My brother walked in as his football match had been cancelled
Bruce had no concept of the fundamentals of existentialism
As he was training to become a footballer-priest
Although Ruth was uneasy I insisted that we continue
My aim was to create an existential connection
And experience the experiences of existence
Just for Marty and Ruth
I planned later kill my brother for invading our space