Where are you going

To see Derek’s cottage my petal

What for

Because I admire the artist

Artist

Yes

Out here

Yes

There is nothing fucking here

There is a lot here

What do you think Tommy

It fucking stinks

There is nothing here

That is the essence of Dungeness

It is the essence of shit if you ask me

You are so uncultured Tommy

Mum

Stop picking your nose it is putting me off my sandwich

He said I was unculchered

Roger have you been upsetting our Tommy again

I was just correcting him

Well don’t correct him as he is very sensitive

Mum’s right I am fucking sensitive

I cried at the end of Terminator

He is having difficulties at school you know

That is because he never goes to school

The teachers bully him

That is because he hit the head prefect

Was he married

Who

This artist

No

Not much talent here

He was a homosexual Tommy

Wot a queer

Please keep your voice down Tommy

There is no fucker here

Although that waitress is a bit of allright

Polish Tommy I would watch them as they are after your money

I aint got no money

Are you going to see him because you are a poncy poet

Sadly no he died some years ago of AIDS

AIDS bloody hell

I hope they have disinfected his cottage

I don’t want to catch nuffink

He right you know Roger

You have put us in danger

Danger

Yes and the fucking train was built for those funny people with big heads

It is a miniature railway

What about the crips mum

Their chairs would get stuck Tommy

I had difficulty in getting in

That is because you are a lard arse mum

Fuck off Tommy at least I am not a ginger cunt

I can dye my hair

But you will always be fat

I will tell the authorities about Kylie Smith

It aint mine

They will lock you away for a long time

See Roger I am arguing with my only son

I never wanted to come here

You said Ashford

I told you yesterday that there was a strike

Fuckin Commies

Seriously what is there here

A power station Mum

Nuclear

They all glow at night

Fuckin dangerous

I feel ill already

That and AIDS Roger

Who knows they might have used the loos here

I assure you that the power station is quite safe and one cannot get AIDS from toilet seats

I thought the shit holes looked dodgy mum

And the walls were sticky

Here are your tickets

You have spoilt my day

Go home and I will follow later

You have spoilt my day

Me I have spoilt your day

That is fucking rich Roger

You drag us out here

There is nothing here

Nothing

Fuck All

It is just a fucking beach

With a few huts

And your dead artist

I am going to sleep in the spare room

You tell him Mum

Fucking liberty taker

OUCH

That fucking hurt

That is child abuse

You are twenty-one

Now grab my bag

Don’t expect me to wait up

And if you are horny have a wank

The bogs are over there

And be careful otherwise you might get one up the shitter

Tommy I will not tell you again

Sorry Mum