Rambo

Yes

Why do we call ourselves

The Secret Seven

When there is only five members of our gang

Harry Gopher Sidney Richard Gonk and You and Eye

That is because we have two secret agents with us

Who are they

I do not know as I have never met them

That’s stupid

Shut up Gonk

Do not talk to me like that Gopher

Do want to argue about it outside

We are outside

Oh yes silly me

It is the last day of the year guys

Tomorrow will be the first day of the year

I see Harry has woken up again

Guys have you seen my glasses

No

What glasses

The ones that I wear

You left them on the railway line

Whatever for

You were testing the moisture on the rails

Would somebody get them for me

I would be eternally grateful

We cannot

Why

Because the steam train passed by

I did not see it

You were reading a book on pottery you nerd

Where are they now

Probably in Penzance I would imagine

Toad

What

You said that the train passed

Yes about three hours ago

Then why are we standing here

Dunno

Are we waiting for the secret agents

Shut up Gonk

They have buggered off home

Are you sure

Well they are not here are they

How do you know that

What do secret agents look like

Secret Agents

I will not tell you again Gonk

Gonk is right

One of us will have to stay behind

Any volunteers

No No No No

Just as I thought we will have to draw lots

I have not got a pencil

Then that is decided Harry

You can wait here for the secret agents

I think I might become scared

You cannot see anything so how would you become scared

That is logical Rambo

It will give you time to look for for your glasses

Here is my piece of string Harry

You can pass the time by creating interesting knots

That is a smashing gesture Sidney

I will be careful not to lose it

There is a dead rabbit over there it will keep me company

That is the signal box Harry

What a doughnut

Be quiet Gopher

Going now

See you later chaps

Tell mummy that I am okay

Will do

Rambo

Yes

What time is it

Two thirty

Do you think Harry is still there

I would imagine he is

It is freezing out there

And warm in this bed

Do you think we should fetch him

Like hell I think we should fetch him

We all took a blood oath

It was paint Toad

I would never forgive myself if anything happened to Harry

Then ask Gonk as Harry has his piece of string

Good thinking Rambo

Lets walk to his house

Use your phone retard

Oh yes Duh

Sidney

Yes

Are you awake

Obviously

Are you worried about Harry

Yes

Do you think that you should fetch him

Why me

Because he has got your piece of string

Good thinking but no

Why

Daddy is not pleased with me

What have you done

I said that mummy was fat

She is fat all gonks are fat

That is why you are called gonks

What about Gopher

He lives underground

And turns his mobile off

That is a selfish behaviour

We will have to chat to him at the next gang meeting

Sidney

Yes

Rambo and I are going to fetch Harry

Like hell I am

You would not forgive yourself if anything happened to Harry

I would

Just chuck your dressing gown over your jim jams

Jim Jams you are such a wet blanket Toad

I know but I piss my bed just to upset mummy

And I always get a new pair of jim jams

Ready

Yep

Lets go

Have you a torch

No

Its on your mobile thicko

Oh yes

Gonk

My name is Sidney

Toad and I are by the railway and Harry is not here

We are very worried for him

So was I

What do you mean

I stayed awake to midnight waiting for a text from Harry

He does not own a phone

I knew that you two would not give a shit

So I told Daddy who was very cross with the gang

Even the secret agents

Do not split hairs Toad

Daddy and I walked to where we had left him

And there he was frozen to the distant signal

Oh Golly was he okay

Thankfully yes

Daddy had had the forethought to bring a tot of whiskey with him

He gave it to Harry

What happened

Harry threw up all over Daddy’s new dressing gown

The expensive one he got from mummy for Christmas

Did you laugh

No it was not funny

Liar

Well when Daddy was not looking

Where is Harry now

Sleeping it off at his house I would imagine

Is he okay

Apart from a hangover Yes

What about your Daddy’s dressing gown

Well Mummy was not that pleased that she had to wash it in the middle of the night

Where is it now

Frozen solid on the washing line

Is that your washing line

No a train ran it over

It is in about fifty pieces now

So that is that Gonk

We can trot back to our house and return to our warm beds

Yes and no

What do you mean

Well Mummy and Daddy were very angry at all of us and told Constable Smith

He wants us to see him at the police station tomorrow at ten

Really and it might even go as far as the headmaster

Gosh we are in the shit

Speak for yourselves

Daddy said that I was a stupid but ultimately a sensible gonk

Meaning

That you three are in shit street not me

Traitor I will tell Doris Mouse that you wet your bed

That was me Rambo

Shut up Toad

Sidney

Gonk

He has hung up Rambo

We are in serious trouble you know

I am aware of that but I have an idea

Another idea

Yes

Do tell

Well as you know Gopher lives underground

Very anti social if you ask me

Well he knows nothing about this

We will present ourselves at the bop shop and eat humble pie

Go on

We will then blame Gopher

Who will not be there to defend himself

A cunning plan Rambo

His non attendance will piss off the police

He will be in deep trouble

Without knowing it

And when he blames the gang it will just seem to be sour grapes

Bur what about the Secret Seven

I was beginning to grow tired off it

All ginger beer and watching trains

And stealing the gifts from comics when Mr Osborne was not looking

Do not should that too loud Toad as I need my paper road

Toad

Yes

Where are we

Dunno

Well switch on your mobile

No go

Why

It has run out of charge

You

My dad took it away from me for trolling Badger

We are lost

What time is the dawn

In about four hours

Then I think that we should find a hollow

And cuddle each other for warmth

That is not on Toad

Why

Because you have a wet cold skin

Shall we break into the signal box

Good idea

I have a key

Where did you get that

My dad is a signalman as you know but we must be very careful this time as the last time we did it the signal box burnt down

The railways were not that pleased

Crow is still in prison

Poor crow

I did not really like him

Neither did I

Oh shit

What is wrong now

I have dropped daddy’s key into the stream

Then we will have to pick the lock