Hi Pete fancy meeting you here

We always meet here mate

On platform seven at Peterborough Station

Any good suicides recently

Not really a couple of depressives

And a crip in a wheelchair

It is always quiet at this time of year

You cannot rely on anyone these days

What about you Pete

Has it been a good week

Good and bad

Linda has left me

Well that is the good out of the way

She went to visit her sister in Dover

And fucked off with an illegal

Can she swim

Ha Ha I like that one mate

No she cannot swim too fat to get into her swimming costume

She should lean to swim

I agree as a few more drowned a couple of days ago

It was in the papers

Do you know mate I could not sleep

I thought you hated the filth

I do

But I dislocated my jaw laughing

And had to see that faggot doctor

What did he say

He gave me some Viagra and told me to be kind to people

What a cunt

I agree

What have you been doing

For the last week I have been watching trains on the GWR

You really like your trains

Or did you have an ulterior motive

You know me too well

There were seven in a week

All between Paddington and Reading

Seven women two chaps and two dogs

Dogs

Yes they were with blind people taking short cuts

Nothing survives those bloody rails

I was also arrested

Really

What did you do

Fuck all

I was just waiting for a possible suicide

He/She looked very depressed

When this cop came up to me and asked what I was doing

Spotting trains I said

But he saw straight through me and said that I was waiting for the next jumper

Joe can I stop you there

You said you saw a cop

Yes

Did you not think that unusual

Come to think of it yes

But long story short I was arrested and taken to the pig farm

For what

A hate crime

Really

Watching a saddo jump in front of a train is now a hate crime

But as it was my arrest coincided with a visit from the chief constable

She came up to me and enquired about my customer experience

Was she a looker

Far from it she was a size twenty dyke with a weird hair cut

It is getting like that mate

There are no longer blokes in senior positions in the police force

Rules are rules in this brave new world

I just sat there and thought how fucking ugly she was

Even if I was a dyke I would not have fucked her

Do dykes fuck

I would imagine so but not in the way we fuck

The proper way

I sat there thinking that this is the reason that the country has gone to the dogs

The police have become all political

It is chaos on the streets but what do they worry about

Fucking hate crimes

Joe if I hated you would that be a hate crime

If I was a faggot yes

But if you hated me because I was a cunt no

It is all very confusing

I know

This said they are not even

It depends on what type of hate crime

My mate Saul is Jewish and he has all kind of shit thrown at him

Good guy Saul

I often fuck Rachel

I would but he is a mate

But leave room for me Pete

Going back he reports this to the pigs and nothing gets done

Then he says to them that he will take matters into his own hands

They jump on to him like flies on a shit

They tell him that it is his fault

Really

Yep

But they let the true hate crimes go

When you get senior politicians opening their gobs

Who

Your favourite

Oh him

The world has gone mad

Do you know William

A bit

Well he lives near a beach in Kent

One morning he found a suspicious object at low tide

A drowned migrant

No such luck

I am all ears

He found something that looked like a mine

Really

He rang the pigs immediately

And they told him to report it on their website

On the fucking beach do me a favour

They also asked how he knew it was a mine

He told them it was a possible mine

Three fucking days it look them

Think of how many dogs could have been blown up

Good thing I hate dogs

And then they showed up and it was found to be benign

Not a word of thanks though for being a good citizen

He wrote to the chief constable but she was away on some jolly

I think it was better in the days of the Sweeney

You knew where you stood in those days

Liberties were taken

Nobody gave a fuck

Joe

They have cancelled the trains

Incident somewhere

We have missed a suicide you know

What is fucking wrong with Peterborough

Too middle class if you ask me

I am going to hop on the sixty nine

See you here next week

Same time same place

Sorry to hear about Linda

I did not fucking like the fat bitch

Give Rachel my regards

Will do




Joe & Pete