Good Morning Miss Robinson
My name is Julie
Introduce yourself
My name is Guy
I have been asked to assess you
Why
Because
I understand that you are a poet
Yes
Are you any good
I am an outstanding poet
Do you like being a poet
No
Why
Because it is very painful
I Would Have Liked To Have Been An Artist
I have the eye but not the skill
May I draw you from life Gillian
No
Why
Because you have no skill
I agree with that but it would still be a drawing
Write a poem about me George
I do not write poems to order
Then do not ask me to pose
I would be doing you a favour as you are quite plain
I am happy with myself
Really
Yes
I think you sometimes look at yourself and cry
You would like to have been a twelve or a fourteen
Please do not cross and uncross you legs
Why does it disturb you
Yes
Because your legs are rather plump and display cellulite
It is a harmless condition
Yes but it is not very attractive
If I was a twelve and adopted these poses would you look at my legs
Yes
Why
I like beautiful legs
Would you look at my underwear
Yes
Why
The mystery I suppose
Julian
Miss Robinson
I have been asked to study you
I would imagine that you have a fat arse
I am studying you Miss Robinson
Judy
My name is Ronald
I call my arse Judy as it suffers from depression because of its size
It has complex issues
Arses often do
Peter are straight or gay
I dislike homosexuals
Why
Because they are weak and perverts
The thought of anal intercourse disgusts me
Have you ever been abused Polly
No but I was once touched by a queer
What did you do
I broke his jaw
Were you punished
No
Why
Because I told the cops that arrest was futile
Would you do it again
Yes
Do you consider yourself a violent man
No
Yesterday I picked up a stricken snail on a footpath
It was reported that you spat at a homeless man
Is that true Simon
Yes
Why
Because he disgusted me
If this homeless man had been a beautiful woman would you have acted in the same manner
No
Why
Because beauty needs to be celebrated
Pause