Joe the funniest thing just happened to me
Was ****** ****** hit by a train
No much more rewarding than that
I am all ears
Well you know that you order a weekly shop
Yes
Well it was delivered about half an hour ago
It was on time for once
Very much
It was as the chap was giving me the cheap plastic bags
That we noticed one of the senile old gits from Nelson Mandela Avenue walking towards the Plum Van
What happened
He appeared to be carrying a bag full of decaying food waste
It might have been a kebab delivery
No it was worse than that
He said something to the driver which he could not understand
Was it Peter Paul
Yes
But his English is good
It was nothing to do with that Joe
Then why
The old git was using semaphore
He might have been the navy
Do they use semaphore in the navy
No they shout at each other
The old fool then threw his bag into the van and broke a bottle of tomato sauce
It went everywhere
What happened next
The driver left it in the gutter for the poor people
I wish I was there Josie
Where are you Joe
In the Middle East
WHAT
Why the fuck are you there
It is so dangerous with all the missiles and sloanes in the sky
Josie are you on something
Yes
What
The bog as I am having a shit
Why are you in the Middle East
I am doing a poetry reading
You might get taken hostage
What in Beccles
You did not say that to me
I described the location Josie
Joe will you answer a question for me
Fire away
Why do you order so many bags of cheap groceries
I am giving something back to the community
That is so sweet of you
I am proud to be your twin sister
Is that where you disappear
Yes I give the groceries to the local food banks
What
You are a true Christian Joe
Far from it Josie as there is a method in my madness
As you might notice I always buy the shit and out of date offers
Really
It is beautifully logical
In what way
As you know I do not really approve of the people who use food banks
They are so common have no fashion sense and often smell
I do not like the way this is going Joe
Logically if they eat all this shit for long enough then they will face mortality at a younger age and this lovely town of ours will be fit for humans once again
Joe you are no longer my brother
Josie I will be back at about eight and will be tired Sis
Would you be an angel and have some dinner ready for me so I can watch the match
!!!! !!! Joe