Hello Joe
Nice to have you on the show
It is nice to be here
Was your journey good
Not really as I caught the train which was expensive crowded and late
I was going to drive but have not driven into London for ten years
Why
Because I do not have a car
There is somebody called Big Ears or Big Nose who has complicated almost everything in town
He has I am told named a railway line after a bunch of illegals and another after a disease that the faggots spread a few years ago
Thankfully it killed some of them
God was not pleased
What about the Suffragette Line
If you read your history these women were as mad as Miss Havisham but were actually terrorists
Not a good start illegals diseased faggots and terrorists but it illustrates a mindset
What would you do
I would send the idiot to a gulag and just name the lines geographically
Joe have you ever seen the movie
The Sound of Music
Yes a few weeks ago as it was on a double bill with Blue is the Warmest Colour
Did you like it
Yes I like a bit of girl on girl
No The Sound of Music
Not really
It was too lightweight for me
There is a song from the movie called My Favourite Things and this is the way that if you are in agreement that I am going to structure this interview
The only difference is that it I would like you to discuss Your Unfavourite Things
You mean the things that fuck me off
Yes
Firstly Women’s Football – yesterday when I was watching the Coventry v Manchester United game which was ruined by VAR I noted that of the LED Perimeter Panels were promoting equality between proper football (ie the men’s game) and the girlie game which can hardly be called football – this made me sick as the women’s game and the men’s game are chalk and cheese and male players do not tend to marry each other
Unless you play for Arsenal
Joe another question
EXCUSE ME THIS INTERVIEW ENDS HERE
SORRY
IT IS THE THOUGHT POLICE MIKE
YOUR GUEST HAS COMMITTED A HATE CRIME
What is a hate crime
It is when you say something beastly to someone you hate
May I stop you here PC PLOD as it is not an offence to be Jewish
I am not Jewish Mike
Also the cops have made a big mistake
That being
We are not in FUCKING SCOTLAND
This although nobody speaks the Queens English is LONDON
You seem to be a tad overqualified to be a cop
Now be a good boy and return to your pig sty
MAUREEN CALL THE GIRLS WITH GUNS AS THIS GUEST BELONGS TO THE RED ARMY FACTION
Who Tarquin
The Baader Meinhof Group
I have never heard of them
Do you not watch Top of the Pops
I hate my father
That is a bit deep
Look he has removed his microphone
CALL FOR THE GIRLS WITH GUNS
I cannot
WHY
BECAUSE THEY ARE FILMING ONE OF THOSE TAMPAX ADVERTS THAT FEATURE UGLY FAT WOMEN JUST TO PUT YOU OFF OF YOUR DINNER
What about Sally
Another no go
WHY
Because she is face sitting the chief constable’s daughter
WHAT THE ONE WITH DOWN’S SYNDROME
Yes
I suppose some poor fucker has to do it
What about you
My thrush has not cleared up
Billy Boo
Her piles
Her girlfriend has a dick
Ouch
That is what she says
Is she a spit or swallow
Sir I think that you have got the wrong end of the dick
Is that a cliche
I do not like cliches
You are safe sir as it is a idiom
What is an idiom Daisy
Remember when you were at skool Sir and took swimming lessons
Best time of my life
Well it was one of your rewards
Rewards
Yes in the shower when you bent over
ENOUGH OF THIS SMALL TALK
WHERE IS HE
Who
JOE
He has fucked off as he has a train to catch
WHY DID YOU NOT SHOOT HIM
I am a radio presenter
We do not shoot our guests
Why
Because Radio Presenters just do not kill their guests
Arrest him Audrey
Why Sir
Because he is hiding a wanted man
Sir Joe is a poet and a rather good one at that
THEY HAVE KNIGHTED HIM WHATEVER NEXT
He is also hung like a ******
We cannot do that anymore
I know Sir it damaged the trees
I am as green as you are Bonny Bear
Bonnie Parker Sir
Has he seduced you as well
Has he seduced you as well
Say that again
Say that again
No Sir I am a dyke just like the rest of the talent at the station
Can you not see that
The stupid hairstyle
Fat ugly as shit
No
Sir you have your balaclava on the wrong way round
WHAT IS THAN NOISE GWEN
THERE IS SOMETHING ROLLING ON THE STUDIO FLOOR
IS IT A GRENADE
YOU CANNOT BE TOO CAREFUL THESE DAYS
IT IS YOUR BUT PLUG SIR
WHICH ONE
THE SILVER ONE
FIRST PRIZE CROSS COUNTRY AT ST ADOLFS
AND I DID NOT BLEED
Fin