One day Dolores caught me looking
Down the front of her blouse
When challenged
I told her that
I was a hill walker
Later I caught Dolores
Looking down my shirt
She told me
That I was an uneducated ape
Like many I disagree
With plans to build
On the Green Belt
Around Bristol
But somebody
Took their protest too far
When crossing the bridge
I believe in God
Yes I do
Why you may ask
I realise this
Every time I walk down the street
As I am passed by pretty girls
Wearing bright summer dresses
And then by size twenty dogs
Hidden under black tents
I reason that somebody somewhere
Must have a sense of humour
I am a very rich man
With a free spending spouse
I will go bankrupt
If she carries on this way
I have asked for a divorce
But she is no longer fucking him
Today Goldie asked me for a car
But the showroom was closed
So I told her to catch a train
This was the best decision
That I have ever made
This morning the cops
Arrested me
I was accused on being a serial killer
As I had stabbed
Three boxes of Sugar Puffs
And a pack of Crunchie Nut Cornflakes
Recently I have passed a couple of funerals
Sad occasions
Unless you disliked the deceased
I respect the undertakers
I really respect the undertakers
As contrary to popular belief
I am not into stuffing the dead
I think that it was Freud who said
That not all jokes are meant to be funny
(this pathetic collection certainly are not)
There is one joke that certainly
Does not amuse me
Its name is ****** ******
Silly Boy/Sick Boy
I told you no political jokes
If this happens again
Then you will be forced
To sit next to a fat person
In their swimwear
On the beach
Joe is not impressed
If I knew
Where the fuck Josie was
I do not think
That she would be impressed