Josie

Only in Richmond

Caty Cumdump

Popped in to see me yesterday

As she had split up from yet another boyfriend

She felt upset and worthless

So I took her to see Virginia by the river

But she was nowhere to be seen

(she is not with you is she)

We then ran into a Pride Parade

Which seemed to cheer Caty up

(I was shitting bricks of excitement as you can imagine)

We shared a Seven Up (I have never tried that Joe)

And I told her that it was Snow White’s favourite movie

She said that she was eternally horny wet and tingling

Rather like a motorway cafe

Guys stop for a bite and park their car and then go

That is why Caty was sad

She asked me if I knew what a dyke was

(an irrigation system obviously)

I asked her if she had ever fucked a girl

She said no which surprised me

The gentle nature of the gathering seemed to calm Caty

She asked after you and I told her you were travelling

(I did not mention your breakdown)

What it was like to fuck your sister

Rob

(Well very well he has just been promoted)

And said that if she fucked him

That was the answer to her question

He still buys me silly little gifts

But is happy with Geraldine

(I would never spoil that)

What is it like to be an identical twin

(It is like being an identical twin)

Josie is very beautiful and boyish

(Well I am certainly not boyish)

You are beautiful for a man
(Are men beautiful)

We walked around the festival site

All kind of things were being sold

But the badges fascinated Caty

She purchased one

(I am a Leaking Dyke)

Do not ask

She enquired about you

(Shaven when I last looked)

And began to volunteer some intimate details

But suddenly stopped and started laughing

She showed me a badge

I am so Gay that I Shit Rainbows

You are going to wear it Joe

I have never shit a rainbow in my life Caty

You will wear it Joe

In Richmond

What about my street cred

Remember I am a tough footballer

Full of male violence

What would be said

I bet you twenty quid that you will not walk around Richmond

Wearing that badge

And another twenty quid if you go into the toughest pub in the town

And do the same

Look at me I am a cum slut

It will confuse them

By then all the Caty Clouds had lifted

And I was able to talk some sense into her

There are few parameters Caty

But yourself

Remember that

I would like to think that I helped

But Caty being Caty who knows

Try the gay scene

But thought it was nest of vipers

And she was fragile enough already

She is coming to my reading in September

Where the decent’s gather

Hopefully that might work

I have deposited my winnings into your account

(Caty insisted)

And there are a bag of badges awaiting your return

A favour Josie

Be well and be happy

That is all

Joe is happy

But is not looking forward to pre-season training

Life is such a bitch sometimes

Let me know when you arrive in Greece


Joe xxx

xxx to Cora