What was your first job Joe

I think it was that of a paperboy

Really

Yes because I could be trusted

Son of a vicar and all that

I bet it was hard

I only tended to do the round

When I was on hols

Slave labour

I did not get paid

What

Daddy saw it as giving something back to the community

I would have put my foot down

But it did have its bonus moments

Explain

The daughter of the mayor was the most beautiful girl in the village

And purely by chance and because I am very light on my feet

I saw her quite naked in her bedroom

Did it excite you

I knew then that God existed

Especially as later in my round I came off of my bike on Cottle’s Hill

Were you hurt

No although the handlebar caught me in the nuts

You

When I was in my first year at Kings

Mummy insisted that as a girl with all the gifts

That I should learn the value of money

As life was not just summers on the Cam

She fixed me up with one of my fathers friends

Oliver Power

Is that the estate agents

Right in one

From the first time I walked through the door

I did not like him as he was all surface

He also treated me as a piece of meat

He was forever looking at my boobs

And just loved my bum

This did not really bother me as I was used to it

After all I was rather nice to look at

You brush up well

Fuck you

Well carrying on I put up with it until the day I was late back from lunch

I had met my old school pal Robyn who was down from Oxford

This was not the first time I had been late back from lunch

I just pretended to be blonde and fluffy

That always worked

But on this day Head Office were down and as I walked through the door Oliver took me aside and in a voice to be heard asked me why I was late back

This embarrassed me

I began to blush

And then I got angry

I looked around the office and then in a very sweet girly voice

Said I was late because I had been jacking off adding that hot weather made me so fucking horny

Go on

Nothing happened I went back to my desk and got on with things

That was until the bosses went

I was sacked on the spot

Did it upset ewe

Not in a bit

I just collected my bag and left forever planning to ask Frankie to put dogs shit through the letterbox that evening

The bastard actually rang mummy even before I got home

I knew that she was cross with me

Mummy gets very formal when she is cross

When Daddy returned she took him aside

What happened

Daddy increased my allowance and said that if I did not want to work during my hols then I did not need to do so

What did your mother say

Not much but I knew she was pissed with me

In certain ways you are very like me

Really

Three strikes and out

Do you realise that when we have children I would never expect them to work if they did not want to do so

Children

Oh fucketty fuck

I have never learnt how to close doors

Memo to self

Ask Josie for her thoughts and direction