I was in The Swing Cafe when I met a gorgeous sailor Who lured me on to his Icelandic fishing boat And when there showed me his large trombone I was unimpressed and asked him to wear a cotton frock After he had slowly changed if front of me I threw him into the freezing […]

Hi Stan I am home Sorry I am home Stan all safe and sound The tubes were shit but what can you expect There is some tea in pot Would you pour me a cup of tea I thought slavery had been abolished PAUSE OF FIFTEEN MINUTES You smell nice have you had a bath […]

One of my pastimes is reading the histories of memorable schools At present I am reading about a grammar school here in Kent The history of this ancient school was published in 1962 And contains many photographs to illustrate the chapters Recent Headmasters and famous pupils are remembered As well as the timeline of the […]

Darling Jane Thank you for your mail It amused me greatly As today has been a sad day Because I found out that the union official Who was causing the unrest up norf Was not actually run over by the steamroller But his dog was squashed instead Which is sad in its own way As […]

Wiktoria Kes is a German poet Who was much celebrated In the country of her birth And then she disappeared From public view And remained unpublished For over ten years Wiktoria had not stopped writing But chose to live on a rural commune As she had become sick of the world And wanted to feel […]

My father was the president of this country For many prosperous years My mother followed the same path And they groomed me as their successor Posh schools great universities and much much else But I hated them both with a vengeance So I took this country to WAR

Hi Stan Sorry to bother you at work But whilst loafing around online I found this brilliant cartoon It shows a sign writer Working on the glass door Of a Psychotherapist However this chap is rather dim And his spacing is rather odd It reads Psycho The Rapist Which is a beautiful play on words […]

Veronika Dol has an unusual job She is employed by various churches To repair and refurbish their ancient Bibles At present she is polishing the leather cover Of an incredibly ornate Polish Bible Veronika Dol is an atheist having lost her entire family In the Balpas Dahl air disaster in nineteen ninety three She was […]

US Marshals are knocking at my door Skunk Skunk it is time to Skunk Shipwreck Survivors Golem Grahame Golem Grahame Top Top Top Top Top Five x Top Shop Shop Numb Shop Numb Definition Golem Stolen Thief The oldest stories of golems date to early Judaism. In the Talmud (Tractate Sanhedrin 38b), Adam was initially […]

Daisy – Innocence Rose – Youth and Beauty Pansy – Love in Vain Forget me Not – Remembrance Violets – Faithfulness Poppy – Death The distraught Ophelia sinks beneath the waterwith her eyes wide open