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Long Days
You had tasked me to start a library I had been instructed to borrow six books from two churches A Catholic Church and a Happy Clappy Church I chose the latter and entered the church whilst the service was in full swing It seemed that happy clappy people were bouncing off of the walls I […]
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Newcastle
I had always been terrified of heights but found myself on the roof of a very tall building To make matters worse I was wearing only my underpants The elastic had broken and they were slipping away I was terrified and embarrassed at the same time You told me that there was a lift that travelled […]
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Stone Mauritius
Stone Mauritius was a game that we played as children It involved throwing pebbles into the sea just as waves broke And the winner was the person who could break the clear water nearest to a wave My love of mathematics was developed whilst playing this innocent game Stone Mauritius is not widely played these […]
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Watch With Mother
You are lying naked on our bed My mother is sitting in front of you She is watching a nature programme My mother enjoys watching the television Whereas you display a contempt for this occupation
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Wild Experiments of an Amateur
You say that my poetry is too experimental What do you mean by experimental As you know that I travel along roads much travelled You call me an amateur but we are all amateurs So I take this as a compliment and thank you my dear friend God is the only professional poet and that […]
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Sally Anne Wagstaff
Sally Anne Wagstaff was born in a dour northern town The third of six children Her mother worked in the local supermarket and her father at the steelworks From a young age she knew that she would not be attractive as she was pear shaped and very small How she envied her step-sister Matilda who was […]
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Jean Pierre Quivlok
lives by the sea in a small coastal town his bedroom faces france and every morning when he rises from his bed he looks at his mother country and sheds a tear as he is an emotional man during mists and fogs he imagines his childhood before he moved to england and married lucy on […]
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The Night American
I often swop day for night so that I may spend time with you It is a simple technique using a graduated neutral density filter But you tell me that you feel uncomfortable with this science As you feel you can be seen by anybody who cares to look You come home shower and slip in […]
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Adieu Baudelaire
I am a washed up middle aged poet Who has nothing new to say I write about mermaids And use mystical words Just to disguise my shortcomings Yet I am admired by many So I continue writing poetry The other day I received a letter Telling me that true poets Commit suicide at forty-six I […]
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Pretty Pink Parrots
I have an unusual hobby which might be considered dangerous It involves jumping out of a plane at five thousand feet without a parachute With at least five items of crockery This must be done over vast food producing fields Although the fall is enjoyable it passes very quickly So I try to enjoy it as […]